"The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness" ~ Neale Donald Walsch
Do you always view yourself as an incomplete being and are constantly looking for someone to complete you? I know we all have an ideal kind of relationship /marriage life we want to be in at some point in our lives. We all have dreams of the kind of relationships/marriage we want to have. The never ending kind of love, the happily ever after kind of marriage. I know, I, personally I'm the kind of person who believes in true love. Yes I do! I believe in the concept of twin-flames/soulmates and there being that special someone for us.
However, it is so sad that the society has deemed a relationship as a means to complete each other. So often even in romantic movies you will hear the phrase "you complete me", "I'm incomplete without you". So many people on social media posting pictures of "their other half". As a result, often people will think of themselves as incomplete and become desperate for someone to complete them. This desperation eventually leads them to either settling for the wrong person who also perceives him/herself as an incomplete person looking for someone to complete them or they become depressed or disappointed when they can't get the half that fits perfectly with their own half.
Realization
Two incomplete beings will never complete each other. Two broken people no matter how much they love each other do not make a healthy relationship. Such kind of relationships rarely work out, reason being you are looking for a partner to make you whole whereas the other party is looking for someone to make them whole as well.
As a result, you find that you are both entering the relationship with expectations from each other, which eventually leads to putting too much pressure on the relationship that it often breaks up. The relationship thus is based on a sense of need rather than a sense of giving. You get into a relationship to get something from your partner, which is whatever you are missing to complete you. What if we came into a relationship seeking to understand how we could love and serve the other person as opposed to coming to a relationship expecting the other person to feel gaps or needs in our lives?
There's a very huge difference as to how you perceive your relationship, whether you think of yourself as an incomplete person looking for a relationship to complete you or you think of yourself as a complete person looking for another complete person to form a bigger union.
You will probably come to your defense right now and say, "of course I know I'm complete." Being complete however, is beyond just thinking that "you are complete" but rather being "complete" is a state that is all encompassing. It emerges from your thoughts, behavior, emotions, actions e.t.c.
It means looking at a relationship from a totally different point of view. It means to start looking for a relationship to accentuate you as opposed to completing you.
Here's the difference on both perceptions of seeing yourself as a complete person versus seeing yourself as an incomplete person when seeking for a relationship.
1. Whole vs half: The former views relationship as a union between two wholes to form a larger whole while the latter views relationship as a union between two halves to form a whole.
2.Wanting vs needing: In the former you "want" your partner but in the latter you 'need' your partner. A lot of people confuse "needing" someone with loving them. When you need someone you lose your independence as a human being as you are constantly reliant on another person. You lose the ability to perform or complete tasks by yourself, you even almost forget what it's like to be alone with your thoughts, as you barely remember a time when you were capable of existing alone.
On the other hand, wanting someone is the first step in learning how to love someone. You feel you want to be around that person because he/she makes you happier or makes you feel good. You do not need them to make you happy, make you fall asleep, to have fun...for you can do all these things perfectly well by yourself. However as much as you are fully capable of fulfilling such tasks by yourself, you like having the other person around, there with you. You don't need them to be, but rather you just want them to be there.
3. Independency vs dependency: The former leads to mutually interdependent roles in the relationship but at the same time you are fully independent by yourself.
The latter leads to dependence and reliance on the partner in the relationship.
4. Soulmate relationships vs poor quality relationships: The former attracts good quality relationships, your soulmate. One that elevates you, makes you a better person. The latter attracts poor quality relationships as you attract the person with same mindset as yours, who perceives him/herself as an incomplete being.
Become Complete by Yourself
To stop feeling like an incomplete person, love yourself fully and unconditionally and feel happy by yourself as you are. You cannot love someone else well enough if you don't love yourself unconditionally. Increase your level of self love and respect. Consider what you love and dislike about yourself and if among the things you dislike about yourself are things you can change, go ahead and work on improving yourself. Improving yourself will just make you love yourself even more. Don't ever feel like there's a piece of you lucking but rather start viewing yourself as a complete person. Attract the kind of love you desire by becoming that, becoming the right person.
As soon as you start viewing yourself as a complete person, your attitude towards love and relationship stops becoming rooted in fear and desperation, as you are not looking for someone to complete you. You start becoming grounded knowing what you truly want and deserve,not settling for less.
Here's a link I wish to share with you which depicts this article in a pictorial format. Follow the link here: The Missing piece meets the big O.
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