ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP TO COMPLETE YOU? LOOKING FOR YOUR OTHER HALF?

"The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness" ~ Neale Donald Walsch

Do you always view yourself as an incomplete being and are constantly looking for someone to complete you?  I know we all have an ideal kind of relationship /marriage life we want to be in at some point in our lives.  We all have dreams of the kind of relationships/marriage we want to have.  The never ending kind of love, the happily ever after kind of marriage.  I know, I, personally I'm the kind of person who believes in true love.  Yes I do!  I believe in the concept of twin-flames/soulmates and there being that special someone for us.

However, it is so sad that the society has deemed a relationship as a means to complete each other.  So often even in romantic movies you will hear the phrase "you complete me", "I'm incomplete without you".  So many people on social media posting pictures of "their other half". As a result, often people will think of themselves as incomplete and become desperate for someone to complete them.  This desperation eventually leads them to either settling for the wrong person who also perceives him/herself as an incomplete person looking for someone to complete them or they become depressed or disappointed when they can't get the half that fits perfectly with their own half.

Realization

Two incomplete beings will never complete each other.  Two broken people no matter how much they love each other do not make a healthy relationship.  Such kind of relationships rarely work out, reason being you are looking for a partner to make you whole whereas the other party is looking for someone to make them whole as well.

As a result, you find that you are both entering the relationship with expectations from each other, which eventually leads to putting too much pressure on the relationship that it often breaks up.  The relationship thus is based on a sense of need rather than a sense of giving.  You get into a relationship to get something from your partner, which is whatever you are missing to complete you.  What if we came into a relationship seeking to understand how we could love and serve the other person as opposed to coming to a relationship expecting the other person to feel gaps or needs in our lives?

There's a very huge difference as to how you perceive your relationship, whether you think of yourself as an incomplete person looking for a relationship to complete you or you think of yourself  as a complete person looking for another complete person to form a bigger union.

You will probably come to your defense right now and say, "of course I know I'm complete."  Being complete however, is beyond just thinking that "you are complete" but rather being "complete" is a state that is all encompassing.  It emerges from your thoughts, behavior, emotions, actions e.t.c.

It means looking at a relationship from a totally different point of view.  It means to start looking for a relationship to accentuate you as opposed to completing you.

Here's the difference on both perceptions of seeing yourself as a complete person versus seeing yourself as an incomplete person when seeking for a relationship. 

1. Whole vs half: The former views relationship as a union between two wholes to form a larger whole while the latter views relationship as a union between two halves to form a whole.

2.Wanting vs needing: In the former you "want" your partner but in the latter you 'need' your partner.  A lot of people confuse "needing" someone with loving them.  When you need someone you lose your independence as a human being as you are constantly reliant on another person.  You lose the ability to perform or complete tasks by yourself, you even almost forget what it's like to be alone with your thoughts, as you barely remember a time when you were capable of existing alone.
On the other hand, wanting someone is the first step in learning how to love someone.  You feel you want to be around that person because he/she makes you happier or makes you feel good.  You do not need them to make you happy, make you fall asleep, to have fun...for you can do all these things perfectly well by yourself.  However as much as you are fully capable of fulfilling such tasks by yourself, you like having the other person around, there with you.  You don't need them to be, but rather you just want them to be there.

3. Independency vs dependency: The former leads to mutually interdependent roles in the relationship but at the same time you are fully independent by yourself.  
The latter leads to dependence and reliance on the partner in the relationship.

4. Soulmate relationships vs poor quality relationships: The former attracts good quality relationships, your soulmate.  One that elevates you, makes you a better person.  The latter attracts poor quality relationships as you attract the person with same mindset as yours, who perceives him/herself as an incomplete being.

Become Complete by Yourself 

To stop feeling like an incomplete person, love yourself fully and unconditionally and feel happy by yourself as you are. You cannot love someone else well enough if you don't love yourself unconditionally.  Increase your level of self love and respect.  Consider what you love and dislike about yourself and if among the things you dislike about yourself are things you can change, go ahead and work on improving yourself.  Improving yourself will just make you love yourself even more.  Don't ever feel like there's a piece of you lucking but rather start viewing yourself as a complete person.  Attract the kind of love you desire by becoming that, becoming the right person.

As soon as you start viewing yourself as a complete person, your attitude towards love and relationship stops becoming rooted in fear and desperation, as you are not looking for someone to complete you. You start becoming grounded knowing what you truly want and deserve,not settling for less.

Here's a link I wish to share with you which depicts this article in a pictorial format.  Follow the link here: The Missing piece meets the big O.
  

YOU ARE THE AVERAGE OF THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most  time with" ~ Jim Rohn

Well, I wouldn't take this quote by motivational speaker Jim Rohn literally to mean that you really are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.  I believe your level of consciousness can determine how much you get influenced by people around you.  I believe however, that what he meant was, the kind of friends you surround yourself with will somehow have an influence in your life and impact who you eventually become.  Could be positively or negatively.

How the people you spend most time with will affect your life

First of, I believe your level of consciousness will determine how much you get influenced by people around you.  Knowing yourself well enough will help you become cognizant of the kind of friends you are keeping and thus the kind of influence they bring to your life, depending on how you frequently chose to spend time with them.

However, energy is really  contagious.  The ones you spend most time with influence your thoughts, beliefs, attitude and your level of success more than you think.  You may be truly conscious but if you tend to constantly surround yourself with negative people, people vibrating at low energy levels, it will definitely have a downside effect in your life as opposed to surrounding yourself with people of a higher vibration, positive minded people who will elevate you higher and push you to become  better.

For example, if you are always around people who are always complaining, shifting blame on everyone, people who always tend to see life at a negative perspective, they will somehow want to make you see life 'in their perspective'.   Slowly by slowly you'll start shifting into their level of low vibration even if you were initially a positive minded person.

On the other hand surrounding yourself with optimistic people, people who are always followed by success because they understand that life is what you make it out to be, will inspire you and will actually give you an insight in life that you probably never knew existed.  They will push you to strive higher and become like them.

This however does not mean that you have to lose all your friends if they do not elevate you.   I believe there are different kind of friendship levels and knowing the level of friendship you are in with someone is the key.  You could have friends who are colleagues, friends who are your family, friends who inspire you, friends who don't necessary have highs aspirations but are fun to be with.

All these friends are great for different things.  The key here is the time you spend with each of these friends.  Spend less time with people who don't add value to your life and more with those who enable you become a better person.  However if they are the kind of friends who always want to bring you down and do this intentionally, then I believe that you should completely cut them from your life completely.

Identify Your Circle


Identify the kind of person you want to become: The first step to knowing if the kind of friends you hang out with are helping you grow or not is to identify the person you want to become.  Your ideal self.  Do these friends  match the qualities you want to possess?  Do they elevate you and push you closer to your vision or do they bring you down?

Identify the people who you admire and inspire you to become better

This could be anyone.  It could be people in your social circle or outside your social circle.  It could be people who are locally or international known and you  have no contact with.
After identifying them, think of how you could increase contact with them.  You could do this by either direct contact or through their works.

If it someone you know you could start spending more time with them, getting to know them better..  If it's someone you do not know, you could follow their works if they have any.  These include books they've written, their shows, their social media pages.  For example I personally draw inspiration from plenty of people I have no direct contact with both locally and internationally e.g Dr. Chris Kirubi, locally and Oprah Winfrey internationally.  However, this doesn't stop me from learning from them.  A simple thing as following the right people on social media would surprise you, as there's  just so much you could learn and grow from them.

Get Busy Becoming The Best Version of Yourself    

The moment you begin your personal growth journey, that moment when you realize that it is you to create the life you want and no one else, you will automatically see yourself attracting the kind of friends vibrating at the same conscious level as you and slowly you start detaching yourself from those friends who don't help you grow.  Moreover, the energy level you start vibrating at will become contagious to the people around you and you will automatically start inspiring the people around you with your positivity and be the one elevating your friends.
Focus on becoming your best self and being the best you can be to your friends through your actions.